I had left the house but could not stop the ongoing post separation abuse. It was like his shadow following me everywhere.
His insatiable need to regain control and hurt me intensified. There was no slowing him down and certainly no way of reasoning with him.
Every time my son rejected me, our visits were cut short or correspondence from lawyers came through, I could almost hear him laughing. He wanted to break me.
His obsession transformed into a momentum that gained traction with every defeat against me. This momentum fuelled what seemed like a mammoth tornado set out to ruin everything in its path with no deviation. Its destination; my life, and to obliterate everything that brought me happiness.
This is a sick person, hellbent on destroying me and creating distress but his eyes are so set on me that he could not see he was hurting our son in this process. This is destroying my son’s trust, not only in me, but any future relationships he may have.
If I tried to reason with my ex, he pushed back harder and showed no compassion to anyone: not me or my son.
Winding back the years, I have started to analyse what the hell happened.
My ex asked me out at my work, what I didn’t realise is he was eying me off for nearly a year before this. It should have been alarming to me that someone was attending my work, the one reason…to have me. I did not know this straight away and by this time we were already together, I let it go. Another red flag should have been his limited communication with his mum and putdowns about her.
Looking back further, all 3 prior significant relationships involved their obsessive need to be with me. And it wasn’t just them, it was my dad. He disliked and threatened every partner I had but never did so with my sister. Was I some kind of prize men wanted to win, then control and treat me like a possession?
I am not a possession, I am a person and when I love, I truly love but could never do this with incessant control over me.
Key takeaways; pay attention to how men treat the other women in their life particularly their mum.
Don’t try to reason with your ex if they’re a control freak. Any insight their behaviour is affecting you gives them the drive to continue and satisfaction that what they’re doing is working.
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