alienation.blog

Before parental alienation comes the precursor, coercive control.

Coercive control lays the groundwork and solid base to evolve into parental alienation post separation. This groundwork happened so slowly, I didn’t really notice for quite some time and until it was too late.

Part 1 Isolation and monitoring

For years I felt trapped in my own life like I was looking down numb with the inability to really live. I was unable to have friends, go out or try anything new. The reason for this; isolation is the core of coercive control.

The cameras were put up, and I was monitored through various avenues including tracking my phone, our shared computer, going through my phone bill because it was in his name and house utilities. House utilities sounds odd, I know, but read on.

The shared computer was used to look at my writing and after separation, my plan to apply for sole occupancy with my son. I had absolutely no idea the extent of this so before the request was finalised to request his removal from the home came the bombshell……..He applied for sole occupancy of the home using false allegations to push me out… out of the home and away from my son. I was crushed.

I didn’t realise until we separated that he was looking at my phone bill each month. I just transferred the money to him and he paid the bill. Not a big deal, so I thought. When we separated, I asked for transfer of my phone into my name which made sense. His reaction sent shivers up my spine when he responded, “why, it’s not like I look through your phone bill”.

The phone app was another big one. This was intended to ensure our son’s safety but quickly got abused and not used for its intended purpose. Making several police reports, I would turn off the tracking and be bombarded with hundreds of “where are you?” even whilst with police. I eventually removed him from this, prior to separation but this was not taken well.

The house utilities involved talking into the cameras when I was outside, switching lights on and off remotely and tracking when I was using electricity. The messages would come through. “I can see you are using the air conditioner, turn it off”.

Really, who goes to so much effort to track the electricity and play when lights remotely when they are working. My ex, someone who had to control every aspect of my life.